Snobbish Tendencies

At some point, I think, everyone becomes some sort of a "snob" of certain things. It's only natural. You start off consuming along with the hoi poloi but eventually you'll be exposed to something rather eloquent, rather good, rather above the standards of the peasant hordes. "Wow," you think, "this is way better."

So it was with the Hitching Post Pinot Noir "Cork Dancer" tonight.

OH. MY. BRAHMA.

And I used to think the Clos du Bois Pinot was quite decent. Well it still is but the HP is just so delicious, so drinkable, so smooth, so refined ... it's what a pinot should taste like and it's the understandable reason why people would want to chug a whole bottle of wine. There's getting durnk accidentally and getting drunk purposefully. For the latter, any cheap old wine will do. For the former, the HP Dork Dancer is a perfect candidate. You'll never want to stop drinking it...

I Don't Have a Single Fan

Santa Barbara has a fairly temperate summer. It rarely gets above 90 and it usually drops down to 60 at night. It also has a fairly temperate winter. And spring. And fall. Ok so basically it's one or at most two seasons all year round. But my apartment (2 floor studio loft) is a bit stuffy. There's no cross ventilation and I sleep on the much hotter second floor. The neighbors are also retardedly loud so I keep the windows closed if I can.

It's been on the warm side lately so I thought that I should get a fan. Home Depot: no fans. Linens n Things: no fans. Bed Bath and Beyond: no fans. Costco: no fans. Staples: no fans. Everywhere around Santa Barbara: no fans.

Now when I ask the customer service reps why there are no fans anywhere, they all say: "it's not in season. It's a seasonal thing."

Not in season?! It's the summer. It gets hotter. When else would fans be in season? Am I missing something here?

Inappropriate Advertising

Oh what an age of internet spam we live in. I don't really question people wanting me to take out a second mortgage on the house I don't have with the wife I've yet to marry. I do not take umbrage at total strangers showing overwhelming concern about my possible erectile dysfunction. And yet despite this tolerance, I am just baffled as to why Maserati insists on sending emails about their lease programs for the Quattroporte or the GranSport/Spyder variants thereof. I don't think my income level qualifies me to even look at a Maserati at a dealership never mind test drive and/or consider purchasing/leasing one. How did I get on to their mailing list? Are they mocking me? I bet they are. Well poo, I don't want a Quattroporte or even an MC12. Give me an Ariel Atom and a Spyker instead >)

I'm done!

A(ll)B(ut)D(issertation)!!!

As I've pointed out to some people, that is still a very large but(t) and an equally large dissertation so the term is somewhat misleading. Perhaps I should call myself D(one)W(ith)Q(uals). I'm DWQ! I'm Dairy Wicked Queen!

Huh?

Thanks MTV...

...fer pimpin' my hide!

What Language Do You Speak?

This is too crazy not to post:

"camaro for sale - $5000
1996 camaro color red v6 3.8 tip top wery cline cd plear wery fast clin titale"

and

"ford van for sale - $1300
1987 blue very clien ran strong black windos 160000 miles comp staff low on gas v6 4.2"

I've ghost written for a Japanese writer before (who wrote in English, but needed a major grammar and idiomatic overhaul) and translating the above was nearly as hard. No wait. Harder. What the hell does "comp staff" mean?

Life According to Google

Got a hankerin' for a vodka martini just now but want to go for a run in a bit so that trumps my alcoholism. By serendipity, a Smirnoff commercial comes on the TV an claims to be the best tasting vodka according to some blind tasting or another. "Hmmmm," I grunted curiously, "I wonder what the best Vodka is..." And so, I go on to Google and search for "vodka." What does Google think?

1) Absolut (OK, I think. Kinda bland.)
2) SKYY (More balanced. Like it for mixing.)
3) Stolichnaya (A bit sharp for my taste...)
4) Smirnoff (Distinctive taste, but not so smooth.)
5) iVodka - A vodka guide
6) Vodka, Wikipedia entry (Go Wikipedia!)
7) Grey Gooes (Mmmmm. Always good. Smooth. Nice taste.)
8) Level Vodka (Never heard of it)
9) Finlandia (Never tried it)
10) Ketel One (My current favorite. Smooth and cool. Sharp and clear without sting.)

Chopin deserves a mention as it's still my favorite vodka to sip. There's a Van Gogh chocolate vodka that is very interesting and quite tasty too. And a Tchaikovsky vodka too, while we're on famous people, but the Tchaik is rye grain (methinks) versus the Chopin potato. Yum.

You Know Studying is Getting to You When...

...you're looking to see if a reference collection has an entry on "Developing Variations" and your internal monologue (is that weird?) is going:

"...hmmm Deschamps, Devi, Duchamp, oops...too far...let's see here... Djibouti! OMG! Hahaha! Djibouti! There's an entry for Djibouti in the New New Grove! Wheee! Djibouti! Wait, what was I looking for?"

Djibouti!

Poor Excuse

The Scene is in Staples. A clueless lady is looking despondently at an array of technological bits and pieces. I walk by an aisle and somehow she manages to make eye contact with me...

Lady: Oh! Hi! Can you help me?
Me: *Looks around. Sees no one else* Sorry, I don't work here...
Lady: OH! *fumbles around* But you're wearing black!
Me: (WHAT?) Nobody here wears black! (They all wear RED!)
Lady: *flustered, recovers, shoots...* Oh really?
Me: YES! Look around!
Lady: *...and not even close! indignant.* Well I guess that's my problem...
Me: *having briskly walked out of earshot by now* Yes...that is precisely it!

"But you're wearing black?!" Come on lady. It's California. Not even the store clerks wear black. If you're going to try to cover up your mistake, at least come up with a better challenge than that.