Recursive blogging

Now that I can post from my mobile phone, expect a greater number of craptacularly pithy turd-piles! Hooray!

Delicious Covered Awesome

Sometimes I am burdened with my status as an innovative culinary genius and the picture of hirsute virility admired by macho men the world over. It's not easy being somebody who bench presses wet yaks one afternoon only to make a delightful foie des yaks humides au torchon out of that same piece of exercise equipment the very next night. Every once in a dry caribou, however, an inspiration hits me that is just a pure and absolute epiphany.

Chocolate Covered Bacon.

You might think that sounds terrible. You might think it sounds disgusting. That's why you're the hoi polloi and I'm The Innovator. The formula is really quite simple. It is a given that:

• Chocolate is delicious.
• The only thing more delicious than chocolate is awesome. I mean bacon.
• Delicious + Awesome = Yummy^2

So it follows by simple substitution that chocolate plus bacon is yummy squared, something exponentially yummier than the normal, run of the mill yummy. If you still don't get this, go workout with some damp elk first and then come back to this post.

So how does one make chocolate covered bacon? Also quite simple. Melt some semi-sweet chocolate in a double boiler. Add some butter until the chocolate flows better and you can add some milk to taste if you would like. Real men do. At the same time, fry up some bacon until it's as crispy as a crispy bacon (is there anything more delightfully crispy? NO.). Drain the bacon and cut it into manageable squares or slices and dip into the chocolate. Let dry on a Silpat or some similar anti-sticking device. Chill until hardened, and bring joy to your friends by forcing them at muscle-point to try it. If they like it, you should probably try some yourself.

A better variation is to chop up the bacon finely and mix it into the chocolate. Then drop the chocolate in little rounds on to the Silpat, chill, and serve. I like the texture and taste of this better but it's likely that you haven't done enough reps to truly appreciate it.

If you're man enough to try this, I think you'll like it. My moose did.

The Order of Things

I'm not the only one who has this problem. You see, when you're in a long race like a half marathon or a marathon, part of your registration fee goes toward setting up little niceties such as porta-potties along the route or having volunteers handing you liquids and Gu at regular intervals. So, besides being continually hydrated and fueled, you can also empty out your insides when you just really have to pinch one out. But on a training run, you don't have this luxury. Sure, you could engineer a solution by running loops and having some sort of rest stop on that loop but it's a pain.

But it's worse than that. For me anyway, I get mildly anxious before a long training run because, let's face it, I'm not the world-level athlete I was once, and I'm using too many commas in this sentence. Also, when you're running long distances, you want to relax and not waste any energy, something that gets more difficult in direct proportion to the amount of sphincter contraction you must endure. The solution? Poo before you run.

That's not as easy as it sounds though, because unless you defecate with metronomic regularity, you just may run in to (pun intended) a run before poo situation. The absolute worst is when you get something out before you run, then start your run, and then 10 miles in, most literally, shit. Just one more challenge in life to deal with, I suppose. At least I made it through this entire post without one Foucauldian reference. Oops. Merde encore.