French Dinner

Big French Dinner because I've been reading Thomas Keller's French Laundry Cookbook too much. The menu:

White Truffle Oil Infused Custard and Sabayon with Chive Chips
Cauliflower Panna Cotta and Bowfin Caviar
Bread, Pate, Cornichons
Moules Marinieres
Wild Mushroom Soup and Crisps
Red Snapper and Sea Scallop with Asparagus
Strawberries and Blue Berries with Lime Sugar

The mushroom soup starts first:
There's the mise. Pretty easy. Sautee the shallots, dump in mushrooms, dump in chicken stock, some parsley, cook, puree, and then add some sherry. Yes, I'm using store bought chicken stock but at least it's organic and it says "free range." I don't have a stock pot and I don't have 10 pounds of chicken bones. Call me lazy.
Mise for the lime confit that'll go with the dessert. Zest from two limes, a bit over 1/2 cup of sugar, and a cup of water. After the water come to the boil and the sugar is dissovled in it, you dump in the zest and get to see and smell something fantastic:
Mmmmmmm. The water turns green right away and you smell a rush of citrus aroma. Excellent stuff. This'll reduce by about half.
With the mushroom soup and lime confit cooking, I try a parmesan chip. Basically, grate some parmesan-reggiano onto a silpat and form into a circle. Bake in the oven at 275 until golden and crispy.
There we go. Parsley goes in. Taking a cue from Keller, I do my best to skim the foam from the top. Could have avoided this step had I started off with clarified butter but oh well. Time to check on the parmesan crisp. Ooooooh:

Yes, that's a delicious piece of crispy cheese there. OK, now let's do a whole bunch:
Silpats are necessary mainly because the crisps come out very fragile, so you need a trustworthy non-stick surface. They'll also come out soft so they can be shaped and molded. But if you're not gentle with them after they harden, they WILL break. Careful.
The mise for the cauliflower panna cotta (except for gelatine). Cook Cauliflower in water, and then reduce cream and blend. Eventually, gelatine goes in and with its help it sets into a custard-like consistency. Hence the panna cotta.
And time to start the chive chips. The mise is simple but the work is time consuming. My mandoline doesn't want to cut uniform width slices, especially not at the paper-thin setting so I had to do all the knife work with my trust Chinese cleaver. A bit difficult. Also, oops, I used a Yukon Gold. No good. They shrink when baked. Need to use russet.
The cauliflower's a cookin' and the chive chips are assembled. Another Silpat brushed with clarified butter will go on top of this. And another cookie sheet as well. This will keep the potato slices pressed to each other until the finish baking.
Meanwhile, the panna cotta is done! Blended, salted to taste, and mixed with gelatine. Goes into the fridge to set. Made a mistake this time around and reduced the cream too much so it's not setting smooth and flat. Ah, but the chive chips are done.
Yeah, they're a little burnt and see how they shrunk? Oh well. Russets next time. And potato burnt with butter and a bit of salt still tastes good.
A happy fridge, but time to go to sleep and restart the cooking the next day. How does a master chef like me organize all this cooking? Uh...yeah...well...
Right. On to making the holders for the custard. Thomas Keller's got an egg cutter. I have a serrated knife with which to make 8 notches on an egg shell and try to break off half of it without killing the entire thing. I gave up after 4 (though I was starting to get the hang of it at the end. See the one in the back? Pretty straight huh?).

The containers made, it's time for the actual custard. Some white truffle oil, some eggs, some cream, some milke, and a blender. Pour in to eggs and bake in a bain-marie. The mise:
When you finish pouring (I couldn't get all of the bubbles out no matter how hard I skimmed), this is what it looks like. Keller suggests putting them in the original egg carton and it's a great tactic. What I'd add is to poke some holes into the side of the carton. When the eggs go in, they form a pretty tight seal with the carton so water doesn't get into it easily, which means air pockets, which means your eggs might start floating around.
Most of the remaining things need to be done a la minute, or at least a la 30 minutes. But the dessert is easily prepped beforehand so time to mix the strawberries, blueberries, and the lime confit:
Yummy! Looks good huh? Let that sit in the fridge and start wondering what to do with my own lunch. I had some small potatoes left from frying up chips (to go with the soup, no pictures, but basically potato slices fried in clarified clarified butter, or in this case lard) so I cut them up and made myself some potatoes and kielbasa. They went with chive scrambled eggs:
After the break, I finished up the pana cotta dish:
Ooooh, look at that. I didn't have oyster juice so I used a little bit of dashi instead. And a big chunk of bowfin caviar. Now, the dinner guests thought this was pretty freaky when they had it since it's cauliflower custard with caviar (which not everyone liked either). I was also a bit ambivalent about it at first but then I liked it a lot at the end, probably because I could taste what it had potential to be. A little bit less reduction of the cream, a little lighter gelatin on top, and better caviar. It looks interesting though. Nice contrast between black and white and salty and sweet. OK, one more thing I can prepare before hand:
Easy and delicious desserts. Just combine the berries and the lime confit, add some sour cream, and decorate to taste. A mint leaf might be a nice accent color but I didn't have any. OK, on to work on the final mise (seen below). The mussles and little necks were washed, the red snapper and scallops washed and dried. Butter, shallots, and parsley for the Moules Marinieres. Bacon bits (with bacon grease saved) chopped up along with bacon grease and flour ready for the red snapper, along with some lime and lemon juice. Also some grated ginger ready to be cooked with some lemon juice to go along with the sea scallop (to be pan seared in bacon grease like the red snapper). So both the snapper and scallop have lemon sauce on them but there's a twist of ginger for the scallop. Asparagus is cut and washed and in the fridge. That's it!
So what else to do?

1) Custard was baked but I screwed up the sabayon. Sabayons require water (I didn't know that) but all I used was truffle oil. Oops. So the yolks just...cooked and then hardened. No good. So the canape turned into just custard and chive chips.

2) Panna Cotta and Caviar was served straight from the fridge (after being warmed to room temp).

3) Pate and cornichons and bread (warm out of the oven!) were served as I started the moules and warmed up the mushroom soup.

4) Moules (and some little neck clams actually) was served along with bread to mop up the mess, as Bourdain would say.

5) A ring of dots of truffle oil surrounded a pan seared fresh chanterelle floated in the middle of the mushroom soup. Also per Bourdain's suggestion. Plated this one a bit early and soup was a bit cold by the time it made it to the table. Was cooking the main course while the soup was being eaten.

6) Pan sear the fish and scallop with another pan for the asparagus. Plate, cook sauce quickly in remaining pan juices, drip over fish, and serve. Then rush to the table and sprinkle bacon bits over plate because you forgot to do it.

7) Bring out the dessert.

Done! Yes, I forgot to take pictures during dinner service but I was, I hope you understand, a bit busy.

More cooking to come.

Pate, Finally!

Well I guess blogger's got images now though I haven't taken advantage of it much yet. Here goes.

So I had a craving for Pate a while back and I finally went and did something about it.
Duck. They say goose is smoother but I'm not complaining. In fact, for a ready made store-bought Pate, this is quite good. It's a bit expensive at $15 a package but it's very smooth and very good. I don't want to devein real fois myself and there aren't any terrific French restaurants with a Prix Fixe menu with fois appetizer on it around here so this is the best I can do. The best way to eat it?
Some pate, a few slices of rustic bread lightly toasted, and a few cornichons. Oh. My. God. Orgasm in my mouth. I could eat this for lunch every day (and did for a while). Also, when serving others, it's counts as a full course. Easy!
So, why not make a meal out of it. Course 1: Pate, Bread and Cornichons. Then cold wild mushroom soup with an asparagus puree and white truffle oil. That's followed by pan seared tilapia with a lemon sauce and asparagus. And finally:

Bluberries with lime sugar, which is just blueberries tossed with lime juice and lime confit, sprinkled with sugar, and topped with a little sour cream.

I'm happy now.

Charlie Rose is Not a Good Interviewer

An interviewer who pushes his own agenda by trying to beat the interviewee into a corner is, well, not a good interviewer. Repeatedly interrupting the interviewee and forcing him to a yes or no does what? Nothing really, especially when you, Charlie, refuse to accept your interviewee's point of view. So you end up debating premises, which is a pointless endeavor in any discussion. Christianity versus Catholicism: want to give me an answer to that?

Man, he's really annoying. How is he so popular and famous? I don't get it... And get your facts straight Charlie. If you cite something that is wrong, and your interviewee corrects you, you don't plow on as if it doesn't matter because that was the start of your damn point!

Ford: Stupid Moves

Ford apparently has the grand doofus of grammar doing their ads:
See it? Of course you do. Oh sorry, you don't? Let me highlight it for you:

I mean seriously. "Go Along Way"??? Typos in blogs and IM chats I understand but official advertising to be released to the masses? You know Ford, some "bold" moves just make you look stupid. You should not be pioneering new and senseless ways to screw up the English language. Stick to cars. And even more offensive, it's not like there isn't space to split up the "A" and the "LONG". Observe:
See, now wasn't that easy? The 31mpg remark even makes sense now.

Next time, we'll talk about that random asterisk placement over the w.

Verbose Lime Confit

For a self-proclaimed foodie wannabe, I have a surprising intolerance for fruits. Maybe I was a carnivore in a past life. Or a baconvore, that's also possible. That would explain why I can smell the aromas of enlightenment and nirvana in bacon grease but scrunch up my face at most fruits: Christ may have died for our sins but it is surely bacon which will redeem us all when the Dies Irae and Illa descend upon us. I also have another more immediate excuse. I am allergic to quite a few fruits. See? Those candies of nature buggers are out to get me.

So why is a fruit philistine writing about lime confit? Because it's sweet and can be anything from a perfectly light counterpoint to some fruits or a thick sweet sauce you use to temper something tart (for the philistines, of course). Technically you're not supposed to concentrate the confit until it becomes sugar syrup but who doesn't like sugar syrup?

Zest two limes with your preferred tool and be sure to leave out your fingernail and skin shavings. They don't add to the citrus flavor contrary to the advice of most neighborhood cannibals. Dissolve about half a cup of sugar in a cup of water and bring it to a boil. Dump the lime zest in to the sugar water and steam your nose hairs breathing in the wonderful citrus aromas released. You can also poach your eyebrows with your face over the pot watching the liquid turn green but that's optional. Reduce to a simmer and cover partially with a lid. Meanwhile, follows your mom's advice and don't waste that lime juice! Juice your two limes and run it once through a strainer and save it for when you need some sourness in your life. Then wait.

And reduce, reduce, reduce. Normal lime confit: reduce liquid by half, strain out zest, chill and store. Sweet tooth thick sugar syrup with a bit of lime which can't really be called lime confit: reduce liquid by two thirds, strain out zest, chill and store.

The latter preparation is a treat to my palate all by itself, though you wouldn't want to ingest more than half a teaspoonful at a time. It's...what's the word...sweet. Either one can be tossed with fresh berries, maybe a little lime juice, maybe a little undissolved sugar, garnished with a mint leaf, and served with creme fraiche (or sour cream). It's simple, it's delicious, and it even looks good when presented in open stemware like a martini glass.

But if you want to really wow them and give them a transcendent experience, might I suggest adding a little bacon grease?

Damn GUI, Always Crashing My Parties

Problem: getting a specific executable to run (executable resides on a server) through an ASP page.

Details: The windows scripting host object on a server can create a shell object with which you can run command line commands. The code is straight forward and easy:

Set WshShell = WScript.CreateObject("WScript.Shell")
WshShell.Run YOUR_COMMAND

The problem is that while the Run method works fine on your local machine, it's not so hot when you're trying to fire it off from an ASP page. This is because the user going to the ASP page will not see whatever is going on on the server. But what about a self-contained command line executable? That works fairly well provided there's no GUI.

When there is a GUI, nothing works. This is because the IIS process fires off the executable (successfully too) under its account but then there is no user interaction. The process starts but then just sits there doing nothing. Not so great.

All this works when you run a vbs script locally though because then the application starts and the user (you) can interact with the GUI on its local machine. So, what's the solution?

Solution: Since the GUI problem is not circumventable, we put the onus of action on the user. Stick a VBS file with your WshShell.Run directive (and whatever else you might want to do) on a network drive accessible to your user(s). Then, when you need your executable to do its thing, give a link directly to the vbs file on the network. The user will click on the link, run the vbs file, and then be on his merry way. You can even pop up a

MsgBox("Who's your daddy?!")

when the script is done. You can also pass arguments, conveniently, to the vbs file in your Run directive so a limited amount of information can persist.

Limitations: It's still a hacky work around. Since you're breaking the web-flow of the pages, the user can not be automagically directed to the next page in his web browser.

Don't try this at home: "Ah ha," you might be thinking, "you're not a 1337 h5x0r like 3y3 4M. Why don't you just create a non-GUI exe to call the other exe? For that matter why not just call a bat or vbs file in from WshShell.Run?" That, my grasshopper, doesn't work either, because either way that GUIed up executable is going to run. And when it does, it's still going to hang.

Recap: ASP-->VBS file on network-->executable-->MsgBox-->User goes back to ASP.

Pork Chops and Noodles

The service was terrible, the decor was absent, and the atmosphere was a perfect shade of crowded cafeteria with too few seats for too many bottoms. But how ingenious of the proprietors! All this time I had never realized the simple truth that a restaurant's capacity could be doubled if one counted both seating and (here's the trick) standing space. One might be forgiven for thinking the little shack of restaurant space was really meant as an aviary given all the vultures hovering over the tables. After ordering my food at the cash register at the front of the shack, I joined the kettle of my scavenging brethren and hovered over my prey. Their four minutes with a bowl of noodles and a fried pork chop were surely coming to an end.

Two hundred forty seconds may seem like a short time to inhale the best MaJian noodles in Shanghai, to say nothing of the glorious pork chops accompanied by Shanghainese spicy soy sauce. And it is. With a grace period of about two minutes, you'll have at most three bucks and change to shovel all of that home cooked goodness into your face. Stomach distension is par for the course and the more enthusiastic patrons routinely pop a few capillaries in their forehead.

This is all fine and good because it is food that wants to be eaten quickly in a burst of culinary delight and, afterwards, gastric distress. It is cafeteria food at its best and most appropriate. The chops are fried crispy so that the spicy soy sauce will not soak through and make the dough soggy. The noodles are solid yet flexible and cling (not stick) to each other only because of the sauce, which is suitably heavy, fragrant, and wears coronary sleeve ornaments. After one mouthful they will sink to the bottom of your stomach and reach the very depths of the pleasure parts of your brain that are triggered when you are beatifically stuffed.

Get in, order, hover for three minutes, eat for five, and leave in a hurry with a big stomach and a huge grin on your face. Who cares about the service, the decor, and the atmosphere?