The Story of Ikea

Living in (or at least near) Santa Barbara, CA has its advantages: perfect weather 24/7/365, great beaches, and a fluttering population of Barbies and Kens. It also has its disadvantages: unchanging weather 24/7/365, a fluttering population of Kens and Barbies, and outrageous prices. The worst is prices for property and rentals.

My standard abode for the school year used to be apartments owned by the school. Problem with that is that the place kicks students out for the summer -- we're replaced by jailbait going to cheerleading or some other kind of sports camps. This is annoying since it forces me to find a sublet every summer. Not only that, since I'd rather not be an wanderer staggering from rental to rental in a drunken stupor every summer, I want out of the school arrangement. So, faced with assured homelessness after mid September, I set out to do something about all of this.

But it's not easy. You know how it goes. This apartment's too small; I'm used to much better places. That apartment has the ugliest carpets this side of Beijing. The other apartment is nice but how in the world am I going to separate the living room from the dining area with a layout like that? And don't even get me started on the 风水 of the one that's a living disaster of 气 lines. It's not like I procrastinated. Months in advance I started looking to no avail.

And then, 2 weeks before I would become a hobo, I find a place that is reasonably priced (for Santa Barbara anyway), has a decent layout, one bedroom one bath, two floors, large open floor plan, and a kitchen with a good amount of counter space. With a carport! On the second day, I said "Lo! For here is an application. I shall fill it with good information and send it through the fax." And so the application was sent through the Oracle of the facsimile. On the third day, the manager said "Lo! For you shall have the apartment you desire should you wish." And I said "SWEET (विष्‍णु! Zoroaster be praised!"[1]

And such is the reason why I am spending all my time at Ikea now. Hot jumpin' cheap swedish furniture!

[1]I don't actually speak in Sanskrit