Sunday, December 31, 2006

Crud Vapors

While I was on the proverbial can today and as I was being overwhelmed by entirely new and entirely foul gaseous creations by my own behind, I thought that perhaps it was time to turn on the air extraction device installed in most bathrooms for this express purpose. Problem was, I was sitting down and minimizing odor impact by forming a hermetic seal around the now terrible smelling bowl and being able to reach the exhaust fan switch would have required standing up a little and breaking that seal. Need I remind you that seal isn't there for freshness? I relegated myself to finishing my business and chasing it down with some water. After all, I could turn on the exhaust fan when I left, right? But darn, then I'd have to come back to shut it off. At this point, still perched upon my porcelain pot, I thought up of a great idea.

Why can't we wire up exhaust fan with an extra button that, when pushed, would turn the exhaust fan on for 10 minutes and stop. So you hit the button as you enter the temple or you hit it as you exit but either way, the poo gases that are lingering should be well extracted by the time the fan stops. And you don't have to go back and do an unpleasant but necessary olfactoral check of Da Latrine. An exhaust timer should be fairly easy to do. One could even wire it up like those timed lights so that guests can set a time proportionate to their own redolence. We are a civilized society after all, even if we have not yet been able to bio-technologically remove our dependence upon food and defecation.

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