Tuesday, September 27, 2005

To Sneeze or To Orgasm?

One day, I'm hanging up curtains in my dining area. No, there aren't any windows in the dining areas but curtains are being hung anyway. I know, wild huh? But it's an interior decoration experiment at the suggestion of a trusted friend so I thought might as well try it. (The finished product looks alright actually.) I'm hanging these curtains on an afternoon amidst a busy schedule. Homework to do, a recruitment call from a coveted technology company coming in soon, and there I am standing on top of my dining table putting anchors into my drywall. Incorrectly at first too, I later realized.

But anyway, the rails on which the curtains hang are secured through two hook-like anchors at either end. These hooks are themselves secured to the drywall by two screws. When you don't want to precisely measure the distances the two hooks should be apart, how far from the ceiling the holes should be drilled, etc., you secure one hook at a decent place and then use the rail and the second hook to judge. In essence, hold the full assembly in one hand and do the drilling, anchoring, and screwing (ahem!) with the other hand.

So I'm there with the hook and the rail in one hand, drill in the other, and I feel a big sneeze coming. One of those ones that will rattle the heavens and shake the earth though at that moment, more important than any meterological or geographical consequences, I was thinking about how my hands would move. I'm on the verge of an unstoppable sneeze. I'm on the ahh...ahhhhh...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH part when suddenly I lose my grip on the drill and think it's going to fall.

Oh shiSaved!

I make the catch in time and there's adrenaline rushing through my blood tunnels, pulsating in time with the beat of my blood pumper. And a second later, I make a wonderful realization: I don't have to sneeze anymore!

So, the moral of the story is: sneezing is a an impulse that is trumped by the sympathetic nervous system being activated. The sympathetic nervous system is also responsible for the "fight-or-flight" response, as well as having an orgasm. So logically, if you're about to sneeze, one way to stop it would be to be threatened by an attacker. Another way is to have an orgasm right then and there. Both hard to produce but hey, you don't want to drop that drill on to your dining room table. Nasty dent that would make.

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