Tuesday, December 06, 2005


I walk into Home Depot looking for lamp oil.

Me: "Excuse me, do you know where you sell lamp oil?"
Attendant #1: "Like propane?"
Me: "Uh...no, like...lamp...oil."
Attendant #2: "Oh...it's probably down around the Garden outside."
Me: "OK, thanks."

I walk to the Garden center. No lamp oil. Walk outside into what seems like the Home Depot abyss: no shoppers, no attendants, almost no lights, almost no roof, just 25 ft. tall shelves of manure, hoses, and more manure. I decide to ask another attendant.

Me: "Excuse me, do you know where lamp oil is?"
Attendant: "Yeah. Aisle one. Right inside of the Garden center."
Me: "Great! Thanks!"

I walk to Aisle One. I walk through it beginning to end. Then I walk through it end to beginning. Then I do it all again. No lamp oil. Am I blind? Walk back down past the aisles looking for an attendant...none in aisle one...none in aisle two...around aisle 13, I get to some people.

Me: "Excuse me, do you know where (the freaking) lamp oil is?"
Attendant: "Hmmm...I'm not sure, but it's not at this end of the store."
Wtf? Do Home Depot attendants get assigned to the left or right side and never the twain shall meet? But let's give him the benefit of the doubt:
Me: "I checked Aisle One and the Garden Center already and didn't see anything."
Attendant: "Huh...yeah, that's where they should be. Not sure why they're not there."
Me: "OK, never mind then. Thanks."

I then roared in rage, drove my fists into the earth, and threw my head back to face the heavens. I saw gods sitting around watching and mocking me. The bastards.

What's the point of having people on the floor if none of them know anything about the store?!?! Screw you Home Depot. I'm going to OSH next time.

No comments: